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News | The Columbus Movie Guy

Checking In: Business, Disappointing Movies and 30 Days of Night

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briantaylor-comicon.jpg
Myself and Crank Director Brian Taylor Drinking it up at Comic Con in July

Hello there! It appears that I haven’t been around here in a while. Since April, to be exact. I would be willing to bet that readers of The Columbus Movie Guy are anxious to hear all about what has been going on. But then again, if you read my work here then you are probably already reading me over at Film School Rejects. Either way, let me give you a little update on what has been going on.

Business is good. What can I say? It is good to be in the online film community these days. Film School Rejects has been reaching record levels of traffic, gaining fans all over the planet and well, starting to make a little cash. I can see the end of my career in retail, it is the light at the end of a long and zombie infested tunnel (I use the zombie reference only because I just watched 28 Weeks Later on DVD).

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Here come the Fuzz! (Weekend Update)

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Hello Columbus-ites! How was your week? Mine was pretty hectic. Work, work and more work are the themes. As Kristin described on her blog, there were plenty of screenings to keep the members of the Central Ohio Cinemarati very busy. And of course, as always, I missed a few screenings. But thankfully I have my new good friend Josh Martin on board over at Film School Rejects (it is amazing what great writers will do, even when paid only with free movie passes.)

I’m also very glad to say that FSR is growing, faster than a Flintstones’ kid. Fat Guys at the Movies, the podcast that loves boobs, is going really well. Check out Episode 4 with myself, Kevin Carr and our special (caged) guest Brian Gibson. It is sure to get you chuckling. We are also very close to launching “The Vault,” a sister site to FSR that focuses on giving our readers an education in film by reviewing older flicks. That should be fun!

On a more local note, if you missed the opening night of the Deep Focus Film Fest at the Arena Grand last night, then you missed one of the better little romantic comedies of the year (”Waitress”) and you should feel shame. To make up for it, look for my posse and I at the festival this evening, watching Air Guitar Nation at 7 p.m.

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Steven Colbert: The Greatest Living American

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I’m going to keep this simple. Thanks to this article, I present the following link:

Steven Colbert - Greatest Living American

I have now participated in the ultimate pop culture Google Bomb! Rock on!

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Podcasts: The New Addiction

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Producing, listening to and worshiping podcasts (and videocasts, for the audibly challenged) is what my generation replaced smoking pot with when they got out of college. It makes it so much easier to pass a drug test and score an entry level marketing job that way. I have very recently gotten into the podcasting game, joining fellow critic Kevin Carr on Fat Guys at the Movies. If you dig movies, and fat guys who are funny, then digg us. Alright, enough with the puns, I have compiled for you a cool list of the top 5 podcasts currently gracing my iTunes library. Behold:

1. VeerCast - Tim, Josh and Adam muse about all things pop culture. The are lewd, crude and absolutely hysterical. If you need a good hour of laughs, then head out to the VC!

2. Diggnation - Kevin Rose and Alex Albrecht discuss what is hot on the popular social bookmarking site Digg.com. The show always has something interesting to say. Plus, Kevin Rose shops at Whole Foods. That is two points in my book.

3. HypeCast - My good friend Alex and his friends over at FirstShowing.net wax intellectual every week about the world of film.

4. SModcast - My idol, Kevin Smith and is right hand man Scott Mosier are funny normally, but in Podcast form they are gold. Think about this: An Evening with Kevin Smith, just once per week. How can you pass that up?

5. Ask a Ninja - It is what it says it is… People asking questions to a Ninja. He answers, then kills them. It is entertainment genius!

Those are the essentials, as I see them right now. Do you dig Podcasts? Have favorites? Let me know in the comment area below.

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Review of Grindhouse

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I know it is a few days late, but here is my review for Grindhouse:

Grindhouse (Grade: B+)
“I have a new theory: every movie should begin with a scene involving a scantily clad Rose McGowan and a stripper pole. That would really take the sting off of films like Norbit.”

Keep an eye out in the next couple of days, I will have reviews of The Reaping and The Hoax.

For more reviews, take a peek at my Review Archive.

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Top 10 Caddyshack Quotes

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In honor of Zach Johnson’s unlikely win yesterday at the grand daddy of them all, The Masters, I took half the afternoon off of work and watched Caddyshack. It is a film that is quite possibly the single greatest sports comedy of all time. Ted Knight as Judge Smails, Chevy Chase as the incomparable Zen golfer Ty Webb and of course, Bill Murray as pro looper turned assistant green’s keeper Carl Spackler. For my money, there are very few movies out there with as many solid one liners. In honor of that, I have hand picked my ten favorite lines from the film. Hopefully you agree…

10. Al Czervik (Rodney Dangerfield): Hey, doll. Could you scare up another round for our table over here? And tell the cook this is low grade dog food. I’ve had better food at the ballgame, you know? This steak still has marks from where the jockey was hitting it.

9. Judge Smails: Spalding get your foot off the boat!

8. Judge Smails: Wrong, you’re drinking too much your Excellency.
Bishop: Excellency, fiddlesticks, my name’s Fred and I’m a man, same as you.
Judge Smails: You’re not a man, you’re a bishop, for God’s sakes.
Bishop: There is no God…

7. Mrs. Smails: Elihu, will you come loofah my stretch marks?

6. Al Czervik: [to his Asian companion] I hear this place is restricted, Wang, so don’t tell ‘em you’re Jewish, okay?

5. Judge Smails: It’s easy to grin / When your ship comes in / And you’ve got the stock market beat. / But the man worthwhile, / Is the man who can smile, / When his shorts are too tight in the seat.

4. Lacey Underall: My uncle says you’ve got a screw loose.
Ty Webb: Your uncle molests collies.

3. Ty Webb: Let me tell you a little story? I once knew a guy who could have been a great golfer, could have gone pro, all he needed was a little time and practice. Decided to go to college instead. Went for four years, did pretty well. At the end of his four years, his last semester he was kicked out… You know what for? He was night putting, just putting at night with the fifteen-year-old daughter of the Dean… You know who that guy was Danny?
Danny Noonan: No.
Ty Webb: Take one good guess.
Danny Noonan: Bob Hope?
Ty Webb: Ha ha… No, that guy was Mitch Comstein, my roommate. He was a good guy.

2. Judge Smails: Ty, what did you shoot today?
Ty Webb: Oh, Judge, I don’t keep score.
Judge Smails: Then how do you measure yourself with other golfers?
Ty Webb: By height.

1. Carl Spackler: So I jump ship in Hong Kong and make my way over to Tibet, and I get on as a looper at a course over in the Himalayas. A looper, you know, a caddy, a looper, a jock. So, I tell them I’m a pro jock, and who do you think they give me? The Dalai Lama, himself. Twelfth son of the Lama. The flowing robes, the grace, bald… striking. So, I’m on the first tee with him. I give him the driver. He hauls off and whacks one - big hitter, the Lama - long, into a ten-thousand foot crevasse, right at the base of this glacier. Do you know what the Lama says? Gunga galunga… gunga, gunga-galunga. So we finish the eighteenth and he’s gonna stiff me. And I say, “Hey, Lama, hey, how about a little something, you know, for the effort, you know.” And he says, “Oh, uh, there won’t be any money, but when you die, on your deathbed, you will receive total consciousness.” So I got that goin’ for me, which is nice.

A simple homage to a classic and a little bit of fun for your Monday evening. For more great Caddyshack quotes, check this page out.

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Geeking Out and Speed Linking

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If you are an avid reader of the site (which I hope you are), then you may have noticed that I have been a lame host of late. I have not been posting with great frequency and I have been spending all of my time over at Film School Rejects making sure that everything goes smoothly. Let’s just say that sometimes I have to prioritize a bit, and you always have to go with the jobs that pay the bills.

But I have been held hostage by another distraction over the last few days, a distraction that will ultimately make my life more productive, resulting in less of these blog lapses. Pictured above is my lovely new workstation, a glorious 20″ iMac with an Intel Duo Core processor, 2 GB of RAM and all sorts of built in gadgetry. It is beyond sweet, it is a godsend among machines. I am just now getting everything set up, so I am ready to get back up to speed. So look out world, my Mac and I are on the prowl and we are seeking blogosphere domination!

On top of all that, I have been enjoying some other great diversions, some of which I will share with you below:

  • VeerCast - A Very funny pop culture Podcast, a must see!
  • FirstShowing.net - Alex B. runs a tight ship over at First Showing. If I didn’t love FSR so much, it would be my hands-down favorite movie blog ever.
  • Fat Guys at the Movies on digg - Shamelessly plugging one’s self is never wrong. If you use digg.com, please click over and help us out.
  • AskAmber.com - Amber answers questions… She is pretty sharp. I should do a “Ask The Movie Guy” feature… What do you think?

That’s all I have for you today, Columbus. Check back in this week for more reviews, some (timely) updates and an impending preview of this year’s Columbus Alive! Deep Focus Film Festival!

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Columbus Alive Deep Focus Film Fest Announces Schedule for ‘07

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Just like last year, on April 19th the city of Columbus will be in Deep Focus. Earlier this week Melissa Starker, the Assistant Editor of Columbus Alive!, announced this year’s film line-up.

At last year’s festival we discovered Brick, which turned out to be one of my personal favorite films of the year. This year, we get a full slate of great films to wet your palette. Here is the full schedule with some event info to boot:

Opening Night Gala: “Waitress”

From the late actress-turned-director Adrienne Shelley comes a funny, charming fable about a small-town waitress (Keri Russell) whose joys and frustrations come out through her amazing pie-making abilities. Ohio premiere. Screening Thursday, April 19, at 7 p.m. Join us after the film for a gala party at TBD Tavern.

“After the Wedding”

The Brothers creative team of Susanne Bier and Anders Thomas Jensen return to the Deep Focus Film Fest with this Danish, Oscar-nominated drama, in which Mads Mikkelsen (the heavy in Casino Royale) portrays an orphanage worker in India forced to return home and face his difficult past. Columbus premiere. Screening Saturday, April 21, at 5:45 p.m.

“Air Guitar Nation”

Words can’t describe the singularly thrilling experience of Alexandra Lipsitz’s hilarious yet respectful documentary, following the first American contestants to compete in the World Air Guitar Championship in Finland. Screening Friday, April 20, at 7 p.m. and Sunday, April 22, at 6 p.m. Join us after the Friday show at the Lodge Bar, when local air guitarists will face off to win an actual guitar.

“Broken English”

Zoe Cassavetes makes her filmmaker debut with this romantic comedy in which Parker Posey’s thirtysomething New Yorker starts reevaluating her romantic expectations, right about the same time a possible Mr. Right appears. Ohio premiere. Screening Saturday, April 21, at 7:30 p.m. and Sunday, April 22, at 3:15 p.m.

“Dare Not Walk Alone”

Jeremy Dean uses amazing, never-before-seen archival footage of racial clashes in St. Augustine, Florida, America’s oldest city, to spotlight the role the town played in the passage of the Civil Rights Act and take a hard look at the legacy left behind. Ohio premiere. Screening Friday, April 20, at 8 p.m. and Sunday, April 22, at 5:30 p.m.

“Family Law”

From Argentine filmmaker Daniel Burman comes a lighthearted look at a successful man who finds that with the responsibilities of new parenthood comes a need to grow up and develop more respect for his own father. Columbus premiere. Screening Saturday, April 21, at 8:30 p.m. Join our sister publication Fronteras after the film for a Latino dance party at Sugar Bar.

“Fido”

The Matrix’s Carrie-Ann Moss and Billy Connolly star in this terrific, retro zombie comedy about keeping up with the Joneses when most of the planet has been taken over by the undead. Screening Saturday, April 21, at 10:15 p.m.

“Maxed Out”

The subject of a recent Nightline segment, James Scurlock’s documentary examines America’s ever-increasing debt, the predatory practices of credit companies and the personal fallout. Columbus premiere. Screening Friday, April 20, at 9 p.m. and Sunday, April 22, at 5:45 p.m.

“Paprika”

Satoshi Kon’s eye-popping anime feature centers on a device built to enter another person’s dreams, but which ultimately has the power to punch holes in the fabric separating dreams from waking life. Screening Saturday, April 21, at 8 p.m.

Closing Night Selection: “The Hip-Hop Project”

Executive produced by Bruce Willis and Queen Latifah, this inspiring documentary captures a New York City program that channels teens’ true-life experiences into powerful hip-hop wordsmithing. Columbus premiere. Screening Sunday, April 22, at 7:30 p.m.

“World’s Best Commercials”

This crowd-pleasing program presents award-winning ads from the Cannes International Ad Festival. Screening Saturday, April 21, at 6 p.m. and Sunday, April 22, at 4 p.m.

Also being featured at the Fest is three days of Modern Classics, favorite films that are celebrating Anniversaries. Friday will showcase “Moonstruck”, starring Cher and Nicholas Cage as well as “Romy & Michelle’s High School Reunion”. Saturday will feature Steven Spielberg’s “Close Encounters of the Third Kind” and two more films to be named later. And finally on Sunday, the readers of Columbus Alive chose “Remember the Titans “for the Sports Film Spotlight.

So as you can see, it is quite a menu, full of assortment and delicacies from all over. Personally, I am most excited about “Air Guitar Nation,” but there is definitely something for everyone.

Tickets have been on sale since March 29 at the Arena Grand Box Office and are available at arenagrand.com. For updates, trailers and more, take a look at DeepFocusFilmFest.com. I will have full coverage of the festival right here at The Columbus Movie Guy as well…

Reviews for March 30, 2007

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I just wanted to post a quick rundown of my reviews for this weekend. Click on the movie titles to see the reviews at Film School Rejects:

Blades of Glory (Grade: A)
“…one hilarious ride through the incredibly uncomfortable world of man on man figure skating. If you are a Will Ferrell fan, then this is an easy choice.”

Meet the Robinsons (Grade: B+)
“…while the acquisition of Pixar has certainly rubbed off on Disney, there is still some of that old Disney flair for those of us who remember films like The Lion King and The Little Mermaid.”

The Lookout (Grade: B-)
“Joseph Gordon-Levitt continues his trend of breaking away from being that kid from 3rd Rock from the Sun moving towards being a serious dramatic presence on the silver screen.”

Have fun at the movies this weekend!

New Pirates 3 Trailer is here!

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I was about to go to bed, but I was kindly reminded by our friends over at Cinematical that 2 a.m. was the launch time of the new trailer for Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End. So just for you, my faithful late night readers (and guest from around the globe), I will not let this one go until the morning.

You can see the trailer in either High Definition at Yahoo or in regular definition on Disney.com. The trailer itself will set a high bar for the film, which releases on March 25, as it looks great. If you haven’t heard, this one continues the story from Dead Man’s Chest, whereas Will Turner (Orlando Bloom), Captain Barbossa (Geoffrey Rush) and Elizabeth Swann (Keira Knightley) travel to the end of the world to rescue Jack Sparrow (Johnny Depp) from Davy Jones’ locker. Ah, my description doesn’t do it justice. Just go and check out the trailer. You can come back and thank me later.

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The 300 Controversy: Fact v. Fiction

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Everyone with a blog and a dream thinks they are a pundit these days. Political pundits are paraded about on CNN and Fox News daily to rant and rave about one side or the other. Film critics, myself included, are pundits in their own right. They only difference is that way play within the politics of Hollywood, a world that is arguably less detrimental to society and often less serious. I mean, who can say that talking about an exit strategy for Iraq is anything comparable to Katie Holmes’ exit strategy, also known as marriage to Tom Cruise. We get to talk about the disturbing, depraved world of celebrity and the schlock that gets put in front of moviegoers everywhere. Real pundits, well, they talk about more important things — or so I’m told.

Another thing that real pundits get more of than the pundits of the silver screen is hate mail. Despite the fact that readers will get very angry when I torch the latest Sandra Bullock movie because I “just don’t get it”, the amount of hate mail I get cannot compare to that of say, Rush Limbaugh — and deservedly so.

But there are those issues that cross over, uniting the world of film with the world of politics and bringing more angry people into the mix. Lets take, for example, an article that I wrote about two weeks ago, titled “The Anti-300 Debate?” It referred to a petition that was put forth by an Iranian doctor who said that the recently released film 300 was both historically inaccurate and “fraudulent and distorted, and its broadcast guarantees the violation of undeniable international legal rights.” My rebuttal, as a member of the film community, was simply that it is “just a movie,” a spectacle created for the mindless enjoyment of college kids everywhere who revel in simple themes like insurmountable odds, gratuitous female nudity and comically gory action. I couldn’t understand how someone, anyone, could be so offended by a simple film. But I had obviously spoke too soon, as I seemed to have awakened a segment of my readership that I did not know that I had.

In just 12 days the article had received over 110 comments, something of a small wonder considering this is my personal blog, a site that attracts less than 1,000 visitors per day. It became apparent then, and even more so when I read an article in Newsweek by Evan Thomas, that this was a broad and heated political issue. I realized that there must be a better way to explain my side of this issue without resorting to the fact that film is film, it is a work of art completely in the hands of the filmmaker and it has no responsibility to be historically accurate. That would obviously not do anything to calm the storm around this issue. I devised a list of statements made about this issue, both from comments on my site and themes from various news sources, in an attempt to find out what is fact, what is fiction and what has been left on the table. So without trying to sell myself as a pundit who knows anything about politics, I humbly present my take on the controversy around 300, a bit of Fact v. Fiction:

300 displays the Persians as a brutal, heinous people who would enslave all of Sparta to expand their Empire.

Fact. There is nothing false here, the Persians are the bad guys. There are ogres, giants with saws for arms and a God-King that dresses like Elizabeth Taylor and stands 8 ft. tall. Rarely have we seen a more comic exaggeration of an evil army. But from my perspective, you have to look at it all in context. The story itself is being told through the eyes (or eye, due to the fact that he only has one) of the Spartan Dilios, played by David Wenham. It is apparent at the outset of the film that he is telling this fantastic tale to a group of young soldiers, most likely to ready them for battle, a common practice among military leaders. Therefore if you are paying enough attention to the story you can easily see that this is not exactly how things went, but rather the hyperbolic ramblings of a leader trying to rally his troops.

This film is historically accurate.

Fiction. The film itself is by no means historically accurate. There was a Battle of Thermopylae, there did exist a King Leonidas and a Xerxes the Great, but I assure you it didn’t go down in the same manner that has been put onto film by Director Zach Snyder. In fact, the film is nearly a frame-by-frame reflection of the graphic novel written by Frank Miller, which was based on how Frank himself saw the battle happen in his own mind after viewing a film (The 300 Spartans) in 1962 which is based on the actual battle. The overall story is true, but the specifics, as you would expect in this long winded game of telephone, have been modified a bit.

Author Frank Miller’s politics lean to the right.

Fact. It is no secret to fans of Frank Miller that he sports some “post-911 conservatism.” As Evan Thomas pointed out, he is working on a new graphic novel that pits Batman against Al Qaeda. There are also several cultural themes within the film, including “Freedom is not free” and the fact that Leonidas goes against the will of both the law and the Spartan council in going to war. For a lesser educated America, these look like political statements ripped right out of our own headlines, when in reality they were themes that existed way back then as well — unfortunately for us, they are still around. So I can see where there would be concern that some of the American audience would be lead to believe that there are parallels between Leonidas and President Bush, between the Persians and terrorists and between the ephors (the grotesque Spartan elders) and Vice President Cheney… Actually, I made that last one up just to keep things light. Moving on…

The U.S. Government secretly funded this film in order to further their anti-Iranian agenda.

Fiction. Someone really did say this to me in one of the afore mentioned articles of hate mail. This is one of those things that would be hard to believe, even if proven to be true. When talking about the U.S. Government and the majority of Hollywood we are talking about two polar ends of the political spectrum. Also, the film was produced by Warner Brothers, a seedling of AOL Time Warner, which is a company who isn’t necessarily in the President’s bedroom closet (as far as I am aware). If we were talking about a movie put out by 20th Century Fox, owned by News Corp., then we’d have a completely different story on our hands.

Historically Persians were a civilized and innovative people.

Fact. Based on both previous knowledge and research that I have done based on this debate, I can honestly say that the Persian culture has contributed a great amount to modern day religion, human rights, education and medicine. Cyrus II the Great was credited with the first documented universal declaration of human rights. Persians were the first to systematically use alcohol in medicine. Zoroastrianism, a religion that came from Persian culture, had a great impact on Judaism, which in turn had great influence on both Christianity and Islam. Also, As far as the film 300 goes, the Persians weren’t depicted all that poorly. Yes, there were the weird ogres and beasts, but in comparison to some of the things that were depicted about the Spartans (i.e. the fact that they threw away weak babies), they were not that uncivilized.

People are making this out to be an unnecessarily larger issue than it should be.

Fact. This is the overwhelming truth of the entire argument, but you already knew that. It is sad that in this period of humanity, a time when we would consider ourselves to be more intellectually advanced than the civilizations of 480 BC, that we would see a work of cinematic art such as this be used to further political agendas on both sides.

An Iranian newspaper published this headline: HOLLYWOOD DECLARES WAR ON IRANIANS. I mean, come on people. Do I possess such a higher sense of logic that I can see that this movie was not intentionally created to ignite more tension between the United States and Iran? I will agree that this film doesn’t help our two cultures understand each other, and it may even create undue prejudices for ignorant and uninformed moviegoers, but we cannot say that this is all a great conspiracy. In the grand scheme of things, if influential pop culture figures like Zach Snyder, Frank Miller and Warner Brothers CEO Alan Horn are going to be leading us into yet another unnecessary and unsubstantiated conflict in the Middle East, then what purpose does the current administration serve? My only hope is that President Bush doesn’t see this flick until he is well out of office, because if it is the propaganda that people say it is, then he is the target demographic, and needless to say we would all be in a lot of trouble.

It’s hard out here for a pimp…

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Too often people talk about film critics as being pampered, over-privileged and just in it for all of the free movies, limo rides and celebrity meet and greets. What they don’t always remember is that not only do we get to see the good movies before the general public, we are also forced to endure the most atrocious films in order to protect that same public from bad cinema — that is, if they are even listening.

This week was one of the weeks where we become the guardians (and no, that doesn’t mean that we star in a movie about rescue divers with Ashton Kutcher and Kevin Costner). With 8 screenings on the bill, very few of which looked appetizing, our seemingly infinite collective patience and will were put to the test. Thankfully, I was forced to miss the first three screenings of the week due to having a real job. But as Kristin explained so eloquently on her blog, I wasn’t missing much.

I began my week of film criticism on Tuesday night after a quick trip to Cleveland to visit my stylist (aka Mom) who helped me pull together something to wear for Good Day Columbus later in the week. My first flick was the Sandra Bullock thriller Premonition, a poorly executed film that left my eyes burning and my notepad blank. I normally take copious amounts of notes during films that I don’t particularly like, but I found no reason to do so during Premonition. It may have been the fact that the film was so stale, or maybe it was the fact that I dropped my pen on the floor under my seat about 20 minutes in, but there really wasn’t much to say. I didn’t realize how little I had to say about it, in fact, until I went to write the review. After the film, I took in a drink with Kevin in order to talk about our upcoming online radio show. We are looking at the first week of April for Episode #1, so I will keep you posted.

On Wednesday, I snuck out of work a few minutes early to ensure that I could make it downtown in time to see I Think I Love My Wife. Outside the theater, I was greeted by a long, boisterous line of people waiting to get in. Inside the theater, safe from the throngs of lucky promo pass recipients, I met Mark and Kristin in the balcony. They oozed fatigue as we cautiously awaited the seats to fill around us and the film to begin. It all went as expected, with laughs coming every few minutes and the crowd around us doing everything within their power to remind us that they were there too. In fact, one gentlemen behind me forgot to turn down the ringer on his cell phone, which sounded more like a shrieking dinosaur from Jurassic Park than an actual ring tone. What ever happened to Lil’ John reminding you that your girlfriend is calling with a little bit of Lovers & Friends?

Thursday was the longest day for me, but the most productive. No real job, just movie guy stuff all day. Good Day Columbus was a blast in the morning. I got to sit down with Kent Justice, who not only has the coolest name in daytime news since Ron Burgandy, but he is also a nice guy. If you remember my first TV appearance, you may have noticed that I was very jittery, uncomfortably out of place. This week I was much more relaxed, calm and ultimately I felt it went well. If you caught it (during the 8 o’clock hour on Fox 28), please let me know what you thought. I’m a sucker for hate mail. But don’t worry, I’ve already been told that I have a face for radio, so you are going to have to think of something a bit more creative than that. Thursday also included two screenings, The Host and Shooter, both which were surprisingly good. But you’ll have to wait until next week to get the complete scoop, I wouldn’t want to be a spoiler.

In the end, while I am absolutely drained (though not as drained as the other critics who had to endure a few real turds), all I can think to do is sit around the house and spy my unopened copy of Casino Royale sitting on my desk. I guess in the end, no matter how tiring being a critic can be, I will always have room for more.

The TMNT Bonanza! Register Now to Win Cool Prizes!

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Are you excited about the March 23 release of the new TMNT flick?! I certainly am! Leonardo, Michelangelo, Donatello and Raphael have returned to team up with their friends April O’Neal (voiced by Sarah Michelle Gellar) and Casey Jones (voiced by Chris Evans) to protect New York from an army of monsters created by tech-industrialist Maximillian Winters (voiced by Patrick Stewart).

To show off my excitement, I have scored some wicked cool prizes to help you gear up for this exciting release that is sure to be filled with amazing visuals, exciting action and a good amount of humor! COWABUNGA!

Check out our prizes below:

TMNT Manhole Men’s Black Tees (Quantity: 5)

Show off your style with this cool T-Shirt!

TMNT Cowabunga! Women’s Black Tee (Quantity: 5)

Even the fangirls can get into the action with this sheik, stylish tee!

TMNT Pencils (Quantity: 10)

Finish out the school year in style with these cool pencils garnering the film’s logo!

TMNT Tattoos (Quantity: 10)

Don’t worry mom and dad, these tattoos are as temporary as they are kickin’.

Movie Poster T-Shirt from GIANT (Quantity: 1)

Adult soft cotton tee featuring the official movie poster artwork courtesy of GIANT. SRV $20.99

TMNT PC Video Game (Quantity: 1)

Play the famous TMNT characters in their all-new video game from Ubisoft. Available on all major video game systems. For more info go to www.tmntgame.com. SRV: $29.99

Nightwatcher Stunt Rider and TMNT Action Figure from Playmates (Quantity: 1 Set)

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle action figures based on the characters seen in the all new CGI animated film from Imagi Studios and Warner Brothers. Each figure will is fully articulated, meticulously detailed and stands about 5″-7″ tall. All figures come with authentic accessories just like the ones from the movie. Look for Turtle Movie toys from Playmates at major retailers.

TMNT Character Hats and Character Kids Tees - Michelangelo, Leonardo, Donatello, Raphael (Quantity: 1 Full Set)

How do I sign up?

Just email the following information to contests@filmschoolrejects.com with “TMNT — Contest Entry” in the Subject Line:

Your Name
Your Mailing Address (Street, City, State, Zip)
Your Birthdate
Your Email Address

Also, those who subscribe to the Columbus Movie Guy’s Daily Updates are automatically entered! Just fill in the form below and be automatically entered in this and any future contests, courtesy of The Columbus Movie Guy!

Subscribe to Free Daily Updates:

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Sweepstakes Dates:

March 12, 2007 to March 26, 2007

Is there any fine print?

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Weekend Update: Time to see 300 again!

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What a rough week it has been for critics here in Columbus. I count myself as one of the lucky ones, as I missed the first 3 of the 8 screening that were scheduled between Monday and Thursday. Apparently I wasn’t missing much. Of the movies I did see this week, the majority were utterly terrible. It has gotten so bad that I am actually looking forward to seeing Pride, the inspirational swimming movie starring Terrance Howard and Bernie Mac which releases next week. But alas, it is time to put my own disappointment aside — because as a movie critic, my job is to take the good with the bad and sit through every single release that Hollywood can throw together in a given calendar year. With that, I give you this weekend’s lineup:

Pick of the Week

300
300Running Time: 117 min. Rated R for graphic battle sequences throughout, some sexuality and nudity.
I know what you are thinking — “There is no way that you can pick 300 as your pick of the week again!” Yes, in fact, I can and I just did. Oddly enough, this is really less about the fact that I absolutely loved 300 and more about the fact that every new release this week is a turd. I did see some good flicks during the course of the week, but they don’t come out until next week. So with that in mind, if you are headed to the local cinema, consider seeing 300 again, as it is still your best option.
Read my entire review
Grade: | Trailer

Also Out this Week

Premonition
PremonitionRunning Time: 110 min. Rated PG-13 for some violent content, disturbing images, thematic material and brief language.
Sandra Bullock stars as a housewife who finds out that her husband has been killed in a terrible car crash, only to wake up the next day and find out that it hasn’t happened yet. It’s a story with a lot of promise, but the movie turns out to be severely under executed. Chick flick loving Sandy Bullock fans will be deeply disappointed in the films lack of warmth and suspense junkies will be turned off by the fact that the film makes almost no sense in the end. If you were planning on seeing this one, don’t let me stop you — just don’t say that I didn’t warn you.
Read my entire review
Grade: | Trailer

I Think I Love My Wife
I Think I Love My WifeRunning Time: 90 min. Rated R for pervasive language and some sexual content.
This is not the first time that Chris Rock has written, directed and starred in a film, but it is certainly in the running as the worst film he has ever written, directed and starred in. Rock plays a married man who is bored with his life and considers making some changes in his sex life — namely, he would be having sex, just not with his wife. Kerry Washington does manage to bring some heat to the screen and Chris Rock gets a few laughs, but in the end this film plays out like a campy sitcom — just with a few more race jokes.
Read my entire review
Grade: | Trailer

Dead Silence
Dead SilenceRunning Time: 90 min. Rated R for horror violence and images.
When a film doesn’t get screened for critics it is not a good sign. When a horror film doesn’t get screened for critics, as is the case with this particular flick, it is even worse. Let me put it to you this way, they wouldn’t dare screen The Hills Have Eyes 2 because they know what we would do to it. And they say critics don’t influence box office performance. Ha! In this case a lack of press, whether good or bad, is the best prescription. Oh and as for what the film is all about — a bunch of Vaudeville puppets kill people and cut out their tongues. Sounds delicious!
Trailer

So there you have it, plenty of “choices” that will have you either repeating last week’s routine or settling onto your couch to watch Casino Royale on DVD. When it comes to the new movies this weekend, I always like to say that it can’t hurt to try something new — just don’t say that I didn’t warn you.

Review: I Think I Love My Wife

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I Think I Love My WifeChris Rock thinks he loves his wife. To top that, he also has the delusion that he has what it takes to make his fans love him for more than just being a comedian. He is under the impression that he is also a good writer and director – a thought that has him headed for disaster.

That potential disaster is a little film called I Think I Love My Wife, which coincidentally was written, directed and stars the iconic comedian as a bored married man who is no longer intimately acquainted with his wife and it is starting to get to him. Rock plays Richard Cooper, a successful financial broker with a wife (Gina Torres), two lovely children and all the problems that every married man is faced with – a monotonous routine and worst of all, no sex. The no sex part is something that Richard was learning to deal with, that is until the day that Nikki (Kerry Washington) popped into his life.

The old flame of a close friend, Nikki comes to Richard with the need for a job reference and the penchant for being a home wrecker. She is outgoing, uninhibited and sexy from head to toe. And on top of that she begins to show some interest in Richard, something that is the ultimate fantasy of any bored married man. Nikki’s only problem is that she is a bit over-the-top with her desire for Richard, to the point where you begin to remember that she is a fictional character – because we all know that in real life, hot young women are just not that into stale husband-types.

This over-the-top characterization, in conjunction with Chris Rock’s exceedingly energetic brand of comedy creates a movie that plays out more like campy sitcom than a silver screen comedy. That makes sense seeing as the two guys who wrote it, Chris Rock and Louis C.K. are both knee deep in their own popular television sitcoms. And as if that wasn’t bad enough, the film goes through a bit of an identity crisis. It is easy to see that the minds behind this film wanted to make a more serious satire about the woes of marriage and the temptations of fate. But instead they get scared that maybe their audience won’t buy that, causing them to reach for laughs instead of writing an intelligent flick.

The film does get some laughs however, thanks to its leading man Chris Rock’s natural ability to be funny no matter what the situation. Steve Buscemi also lends a hand in the comedy department as Richard’s philandering business partner. Sadly though, a few laughs here and there aren’t enough to make this a good choice on any level. Chris Rock is funny, yes. And I will buy every comedy CD he ever puts out. But thanks to I Think I Love My Wife, the next time I see his name next to the words “Written and Directed by”, I may just look for something else.

Final Grade: 2 Stars

I Think I Love My Wife is in theaters March 16, has a running time of 90 minutes and is Rated R for pervasive language and some sexual content.

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